


Regrets, Near Death

by brenforelsket



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen, Light Angst, Reader-Insert, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brenforelsket/pseuds/brenforelsket
Summary: "I’m not afraid to die but I am afraid to die with regrets.” You couldn’t keep lying to yourself, let alone Erwin.
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Reader, Erwin Smith/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	Regrets, Near Death

**Author's Note:**

> This is set prior to the events of Attack on Titan, before Erwin is Commander Handsome

The beauty of the vast world outside the walls was something you loved deeply, no matter how much it brought you close to death, you never regretted leaving the walls and into a world full of titans. This trip outside the walls was no different, you were happy to leave, to fight for mankind and lay down your life if it came to it. 

You never had much and you weren’t afraid to lose the little you did have, with no family, few possessions, even fewer friends and the friends you did have shared your same fate, likely to die at the hands of a titan. But you knew that was part of being a Scout and caring for your comrades, you had accepted and come to terms with this fate the moment you joined the cadets and decided you would join the Scout Regiment. 

You guessed that’s why you decided not to get too close with you comrades, you didn’t want to mourn their deaths as friends when they died and you didn’t want them to mourn you either if- but more likely- when you died. Only a few comrades from the Scouts tried to pursue a friendship with you, refusing to accept your closed off demeanor but the others left you alone when you wouldn’t open up.

Erwin Smith had been one of those refusing to accept your coldness. You joined the Scouts a couple of years after him and it was another friend, Hange, who had brought him into your life and back then, none of you had expected for things to end up how they were now.

A few weeks after Hange introduced the two of you, the Scouts were sent on a dangerous mission, much like the one you were on now and you and Ewrin got separated from everyone else while retreating from a titan attack, in the end you found yourselves in a peculiar sexual situation. You had both agreed that nothing could or would come from it and you returned back to the walls but things did continue and you found yourself caring for Erwin more than you wanted to care for anyone. 

You tried to forget your feelings when Erwin made captain and cut things off officially, you knew it was what had to be done, for yourself, for Erwin, for humanity. Forgetting your feelings was harder than you thought it would be though and most nights you found yourself lying awake in the middle of the night, missing the way the world felt when he held you in his arms or the constant pleasure he gave you when you shared a bed. 

Every little touch after breaking it off made your body feel like it was on fire, you craved more and it never helped when Erwin looked at you with his big blue sparkling eyes, like you were the only person in the world but you knew none of that mattered, you both knew what was best. 

“Are you ready to die?” The commander of the Scouts asked everyone as you finished restocking your gear and weapons. Your comrades that surround you are terrified, shaking uncontrollably. 

It is quite the pickle the Scouts are in, surrounded by many titans with no real way to escape safely. As a last attempt to save some, you’ve been commanded to charge through the titans, knowing a lot of you will die, but allowing others to escape. 

You’ve only got a few minutes before you set out, before the titans tear past the trees you are currently hiding in. You’re prepared to die, expecting it almost but others beg to be spared, hoping they are the few that will make it past and back into the safety of the walls.

“I’m not ready to die!” A Scout cries and others join him. “I regret so much, I thought I’d have more time!”

Regret… the word rings through your head repeatedly and your heart starts to ache, an unfamiliar feeling. You think of what exactly that means to you and if there is anything you regret. Your whole life was the Scouts, if you were to give you life for them, what was there to regret? 

You grabbed onto your chest, your heart hurting unlike anything you had felt before. Was this regret? Is this how everyone around you felt? You looked at your comrades around you, they all seemed to be in worse shape than yourself but it only made the pain in your chest tighten. Regret… the word repeats in your head once again and it’s all you can hear until your eyes land on a tall, blonde figure. As the man turns around, the pain in your chest stops and all you can do is stare as Erwin looks around at the people he's about to help lead to their deaths. He seems so collected and calm, as usual for him but as he keeps looking around and your eyes finally meet, you swear you see the slightest change in his expression, although it’s hard to make out exactly what he’s feeling. You tear your eyes away and look at the green grass at your feet.

“I don’t want to regret anything.” You whispered to yourself before bringing your head up to look at the tree covered sky, taking in a deep breath.

Without thinking, your body started to move and before you knew it, you were standing in front of Erwin.

He raised a thick eyebrow at you. “Yes Y/N?” he asked as you stand before him and say nothing.

“Erwin.. I mean Captain Ewrin.” You stuttered as you stared into his intense eyes. “Can we talk for a moment? Please, Captain.”

He nodded and followed you a little ways away from the rest of the Scout Regiment.

“Are you scared?” He asked, quietly and sincerely as you stop and turn towards him. His eyes seemed concerned but you’re having a hard time reading them when your own emotions are overflowing and you aren’t sure why you are doing this. It’s pointless, right? Who actually cares if they die with regrets? 

Before you can stop yourself, the words spill from your mouth. “I’m not afraid to die but I am afraid to die with regrets.” You couldn’t keep lying to yourself, let alone Erwin. “I don’t know what will happen today or if I’ll die but I don’t want to regret never telling you that I’m in love with you.”

It’s silent for a long moment as you stare into each other's eyes, he’s impossible to read right now and you can feel the tears pooling in your eyes. One single tear escapes and as it flows down your face, you quickly look at the ground, trying to hide it. Erwin brings his hand up to wipe the tear away and doesn’t move his large hand once it’s gone. He brings up his other hand and cups your face, lifting your face so your eyes meet once more.

He towers over you, it should intimidate you and maybe it does, your heart is racing but you don’t know exactly from what, so much is happening and is about to happen. You hear a little commotion from your comrades but you can’t see anything past Erwin and you don’t want to. His eyes are so soft, so bright and deep, you quickly get lost in them and for a moment everything feels okay, like it will all be fine.

He brought his head down slowly, placing his forehead on yours. “Y/n.” He speaks quietly. “If we survive, we can talk about this when we’re back home.” he lifts his head and places a tender kiss on your forehead, moving his hands from your cheeks to the back on your head.

He says nothing else as he removes his hands from your hair and turns around, not looking back as he walks away. 

The sounds of your comrades only grow as you stand alone where Erwin had left you. Your heartbeat stilled and you start to realize you have to go, ride into what might be your death and is definitely the death of some of those around you.

You walk back to your horse and mount in silence, ready for anything. 

“Ready?!” The commander yells loudly as he starts to lead the Scouts out of their hiding place. Your comrades get loud, yelling as they point their swords to the sky.

You smile to yourself as you look up at the group ahead of you and in the distance titans silhouettes. “No regrets.” you whisper to yourself as you lift your own sword and let out a yell before riding into your unknown fate.

**Author's Note:**

> I do plan on writing the (nsfw)prequel to this and I'm thinking about doing another part as a sequel, we will see how it goes! I hope you enjoyed, thank you so much for reading! As always, comments and kudos are welcomed and highly appreciated


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